Microwave Poached Egg

There is, of course, a correct method to poach an egg, and this isn’t it. This method is for when you’re hungry, have to leave in fifteen to catch the 8:27, and don’t want cornflakes. Cornflakes are for the institutionalized, whose doctors wish they wouldn’t masturbate so much. I don’t eat cornflakes.

---

SERVES: 1
PREP TIME: 1 MINUTE
COOK TIME: 1 MINUTE

Ingredients

1 egg
Paprika
Salt & pepper

Method

Put the kettle on.

If you don’t own an electric kettle, you’ll have to get creative.

When the kettle is off the boil, add a pinch of salt to a Pyrex jug, then about 250ml/8oz of hot water. If you overfill the jug, it will boil over.

Crack the egg straight into the water. Cracking it into a ramekin first only adds a dish to wash.

Microwave for 1 minute.

Transfer the egg to a serving plate using a slotted spoon or, even better, onto hot buttered toast.

Season with salt, pepper, and throw a good shake of paprika over the top.

---

Notes

Using your microwave to poach an egg is easy, but be prepared for a gentle learning curve. If you’re not satisfied with the doneness, cook for an additional 15 seconds, then rinse and repeat until it’s to your liking. It’s all about the wattage, darling!

If you have a dog, you’ll be his or her hero while you’re figuring it all out.

My father was having an issue with exploding yolks in the microwave, which he resolved – on the advice of my cousin’s widower – by poking a hole in the yolk with a knitting needle and covering the top of the mug he uses with clingfilm.
“Right so Da!”

I took some photos of an egg I made. I didn’t like them, so there are no photos. It’s an egg; you can use your imagination.